The second I turned around

The second I turned around,

Deep, shallow breaths are my survival.

The panic attacks late at night haunt me.

Everything seems so heavy,

A weight that leaves a mark,

Dark red or crimson.

Don’t know who to believe anymore.

Happy one second, suicidal the next.

None of this is real, is it?

Everything was perfect,

At least in my perception.

Yet it got broken because I was never worthy.

Hated seems understandable.

A helpless villain in your eyes,

Begging the devil to save me.

But it’s hard to reach out.

Seen by all, judged by all,

Yet never understood.

Drowning in my own thoughts,

Scared to even breathe.

Knowing I break things,

Still sometimes trying to work things.

An empath,

Trying to live through the chaos.

Not for sympathy, but feels like it.

Blood all over the thoughts.

Maybe I survive.

Maybe I don’t.

Hardi Tanna